Changed By You

Last Sunday as I was laying next to Emyri singing her songs before bed, so requested a 'beautiful' song. She's told me this means a long pretty song, not our usual goofy, fun songs that end up making us laugh out loud. For some reason I was reminded of a song I used to sing with my good friend pmb when we were little. I remember sitting with her on the floor in her bedroom next to her stereo playing and singing this song over and over again. I remember thinking it was a 'long, pretty' song then too.

I was surprised to be reminded of it after all these years, but as I sang the chorus a few times over to Em's before I kissed her goodnight I noticed how well the song reflected my feelings over the past 6 months.

Like two sparrows in a hurricane

trying to find their way

with a head full of dreams

and faith that can move anything

they've heard it's all up hill

but all they know is how they feel

the world says they'll never make it,

but love says they will.

(Love Says They Will, Tanya Tucker)

(sound familiar pmb?) : )

Not to be overly gushy or too mushy, but can I just write an entire post about Chad and how much I love him? Since you're not here to tell me I can't, I'll take that as a yes: )

Chad asked me to my first prom when I was a sophomore. We came into each other's lives at a point where we both needed each other. It was hard for me to understand love and let myself love someone else at such a young age when I felt like I wasn't supposed to love someone yet, or that I was too young to know what real love was. But Chad was so good to me, so kind and patient, and always made me laugh. I was going through the most difficult time in my life up to that point and in my confusion and fear I'd push Chad's friendship away time and time again. But he was always there, smiling back at me with an open heart. I can't tell you how he's changed me.

I remember driving in the car one night in high school, just thinking and praying about things and trying to figure out my life when the words came into my mind, "Chad is a gift from Me to you." I had a peaceful reassurance that things were going to be ok.

If only I had known what an amazing gift Chad would end up being for me. I look at the peace and happiness and balance I feel in my life now, compared to times when all I felt was chaotic, guilty, and fearful and I know I have changed for the better in incredible ways, and so much of that change has come through Chad's continual Christlike love. I have come to know my Savior's love because of Chad's love. Can I just tell you how much I love him for that! So very much. That has changed everything.

Since Chad's dad died, I have come to love him in ways I've never been able to experience before. I can honestly say we feel something for each other now that we couldn't have before without this experience. Something deeper, something even more real. Even though things have been difficult and heartbreaking at times, I, and I think I can say we, are so grateful for the experience.

"...if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thing enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know though, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for they good."

(D&C 122:7)

Things have been hard, but they have been for our good. I really believe that. I am closer to Chad than I have ever been in my life and we are closer to God.

So here it is, my mushy post about Chad. I love him, and I will choose to love him over and over again for eternity for all he has done for me. There couldn't be a better man for us three girls: )

For you C-walk

Thinking of you forever