One of my recent journal entries.....
April 4, 2008
Wow, I think I have just been reminded of one of the reasons why I've been feeling down lately. I don't know if it's like this for everyone, but it really gets to me if I don't have time, or make time, to sit down and write out my thoughts and my emotions and my experiences. I feel like if I'm not taking that time to write it out that it's all slipping away from me so that I'm not able to learn the intended lesson. I feel like I'm going through the motions, but not learning anything, not internalizing, not becoming more because of my experiences. And that bothers me. I get almost frantic knowing that a certain thought or impression I had was important and realizing in the next moment it has passed me by because it wasn't internalized. I guess for me writing is internalizing the lessons being given. I have to think it, see it, put it into words, and read it; then somehow it truly becomes mine. And once I know it's mine, that it's really become a part of me, then I feel like I'm actually becoming more than I was yesterday through this earthly experience. I don't know if everyone needs that feeling, but I need that feeling. I need to know I'm learning the right lessons, the one's that Heavenly Father is giving me. I need Him to know and I need myself to know that I am listening; that I am getting it. I'm already feeling so much closer to heaven just by writing this out. I'm thankful for this gift. I'm grateful for this opportunity to better understand myself.
*Back to the present.....I'm doing my second internship at a Juvenile Correction Center and let me tell you, it is amazing and difficult and inspiring and eye opening and disturbing all at once: ) I really love it though and I have already learned so much. I get to work with a group of 12 girls that do every thing together. They eat together, sleep together, brush their teeth together, run the mile together (literally they can't leave one peer behind), use the bathroom together(also literally: ), play games together, learn together, and most importantly they express together. It just amazes me time and time again how healing it is to express what you're feeling, experiencing, have experienced, learning, etc., etc. It is often so hard for them to get those feelings out, its especially hard for them to get those feelings out appropriately which is why they are so often throwing punches, swear words, and spit at each other. Despite all of that, however, they are learning to express and it is a little miracle to watch how it heals them and creates a bond between them. They really do care for one another and it's awesome.
So my question today is what are you're thought on expressing yourself. How do you do it? How does it make you feel? How do you feel when people express their thoughts and feelings to you? Have you seen it make a difference in your life?