What Once Was Lost....

2012? Seriously. Time has this incredible way of speeding up. It's insane and amazing all at once to take a step back and realize where you're at and remember from where you've come.

Can I just say I love this life and it's simultaneously inching yet rapid way of changing us.

I got the chance to step back and realize and remember when an aching prayer I've been praying for years was answered last night.

When Chad left on his mission I started keeping all of his letters and pictures and my own thoughts and journal entries in a binder. A plain old green binder. And that binder got so full I started filling a plain old black binder.

I know those things may not seem life shatteringly significant, but for me, we're talking about precious, precious stuff here people.

Those binders started me, and really us, in one place and ended us in another. From first page to last carried a story and a process of a thousand defining moments, life altering realizations, changes, soul searching experiences.

A huge record of our love, the process of it's unfolding, and who we've become were held in those two binders.

See what I'm saying?

Precious stuff.

It wasn't until around two years of marriage and six moves that I realized those binders were missing. I looked everywhere....through all of our storage, my family's storage, Chad's family's storage, under beds, in closest, garages, anywhere I could think of that might be hiding them.

No such luck.

Those two binders were one of those things that I've lost that actually brought me physical heartache to think about.

I've prayed about finding them many times over the years, but it wasn't until a few months ago that I randomly thought of them again, felt the twinge of wishing I had them back, and prayed more pointedly,

"Heavenly Father, I know you are able to know where those binders are. I know they are not that big of a deal....(By now I'm feeling somewhat like a little kid who has lost their favorite blankey and can't stop crying)....and I know life will go on without them, but to me and to Chad and I, they mean a lot......if they are anywhere on this planet in a form that I can have them (I'm picturing them lying under layers of garbage in some landfill somewhere) can you please lead me to them? Can you please bring them back to me."

And that was that. I prayed and then forgot about that simple prayer.....that was until a few nights ago when we met Chad's family at a restaurant over the holidays and his sister Katie said, "Oh Vandi, I was going through some boxes that I thought were mine and found these two binders. They looked like they were filled with letters from Chad's mission. I thought I'd tell you about them in case you wanted them."

Say WHAT?!

I couldn't believe it.

I am not a crier, but I felt like I might have myself a happy cry. right there in the restaurant.

I'm sure she thought I was a little crazy with my instantly embracing her and excited overreaction.

But I couldn't help hugging her for finding what I thought was long lost.

And then I suddenly remembered that little prayer....

along with this feeling;

a gentle "hug" and "smile" and "just wanted you to remember I love you"

from the One who brought them back to me.

Chad and I have been pouring over their pages today. Smiling, laughing, feeling, remembering.

It's been nine years since that time in our lives. A time with so many questions, uncertainties, so much to learn, so much to discover, so much ahead of us.

We have grown so much in those nine years.

We and our lives and our love and our experiences together have gained so much; three of the greatest being two amazing little girls and one much anticipated and precious little boy.

We were just two little kids, best friends, and all we knew was that Heavenly Father had brought us to our friendship and we cared about each other and had helped and healed each other more than we could say.

I can't thank Heavenly Father enough for bringing those binders back to me.

I hope someday they will mean something to our kids; tell a precious story more intricate than we could describe to them.

Life is amazing.

Especially when we choose to make it that way.

I'm so thankful for all the experiences I have had that have brought me to this time and place in my life. My life is filled to the brim with love and I am given more than I have ever deserved.

To me, Chad really is proof of that.

2012 will be a huge year of change for us; another chapter in our adventure together.

It's exciting and terrifying all at once to wonder where we will be by the end of this year, but I will embrace the curves and turns....

because isn't it all really just amazing, this experience of life.

I think so.

p.s. some "gems" from the binders to come tomorrow.....