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Dwight Schrute Quotes:
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1. In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.
2. I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like...Mozart's friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like...Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
3. Dwight: ["steering" the ship] Don't worry Michael, I'm taking us to shore!
Micheal Scott: It's a fake wheel, dummy!
4. I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom.
5. (After he didn't tip the sub man) Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
6. He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious smoky rich flavor. Plus, you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.
Michael Scott Quotes:
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1. Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North," and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.
2. Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.
3. I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.
4. Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say “Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth. So Phyllis is basically saying “Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt’s-worth”. I gave Ryan an iPod!"
5. New York, New York. The city so nice, they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name.
6. Dwight, The kids don't wanna hear some weirdo book that your Nazi war criminal grandma read to you!
I wonder how many people will be tuned in to NBC come 8:00 tonight....?