I know, I know.....I'm a little behind on my "Thankful" posts. Which is one of the reasons why I am
thankful I'm not being graded on them: ) We had a busy fun weekend which I am also
thankful for. But I didn't have much time to even get on the computer. You all know how it goes: ) But today as I've been pondering and thinking I felt like I should share this experience. So take it or leave it....here it is: )
Today I Am Thankful For......God's lessons tailored just for me: )
A couple months ago I came across a blog post in which the lady posed the question, "Why do we say, 'I know when I read my scriptures my day goes so much better' when in reality there are days that we read our scriptures that end up being a terrible day? Does reading our scriptures really make a difference?"
Her question and entire post really got me thinking about it all. Does it really make a difference? Will our day really be blessed and better? Because of my prior experiences with the scriptures and literally seeing the difference they have made throughout my life, I knew that reading our scriptures did make a difference, but I decided to be more observative ( I know....not a word, but you get what I'm saying) for the next few days and see just how my day really went after making the effort to read my scriptures in the morning.
Day One: I woke up, put the girls in the front room with a cartoon to watch and toys to occupy them, then went in my room and spent the next half hour pondering and studying my scriptures. It was a good study too. I felt enlightened and motivated and strengthened and figured the peaceful feelings would linger all day long. But then life happened. And the serenity was quickly chased away by the crazy mayhem of toddler tantrums, a screamy fussy baby, too many dishes to do, clutter, impatience, flustered plans, and a constant frustrated overwhelmed feeling that didn't leave until my exhausted mind, emotions, and body slumped into bed and shut off with sleep.
WHAT THE?! Wasn't my day supposed to "go better". Weren't things supposed to run smoothly? Based on these observations alone I could easily conclude that the "myth was busted", that reading your scripture really doesn't constitute a better day.
But I know Heavenly Father and I know that He keeps His promises. I knew there was something more for me to learn.
When I woke up the next morning I realized I had a choice to make. I could take the results of the previous day and conclude that reading scriptures wasn't worth it. In essence....I could give up and call it quits, after all it took honest effort to get the girls to stay in the front room and play while I put my heart and soul into studying for half an hour, or.......
I could demonstrate my faith and trust in Heavenly Father and say that even though I didn't see the blessings yet, that I trusted Him and knew they were coming in His way and His time. It really struck me that I had before me an opportunity to act in faith. Right there and then I could choose to demonstrate my faith by taking the effort to put Him first and take time to study His words and seek to understand His will and what I should do in my life.
So, I chose faith and decided to tell Heavenly Father by my actions that I trust Him and believe in His promises and blessings. So....
Day Two: I got the toys and cartoons out once again, got the girls situated and happy, and went into my room again for another half hour of scripture study. It was a good scripture study too in which I felt the Spirit, felt more understanding of how to be the mom and wife and person I wanted to be. I was glad I could offer that small effort to Heavenly Father to show Him I cared about Him and loved Him. And I was excited to see how the rest of the day ended up.
Well the day was far from perfect. Things were still frustrating and plans still fell apart. The toddler still threw tantrums and the baby was still fussy....maybe even more fussy than before, but.....then it happened.
There was a moment in the day when I was at a point of breaking. It was after a string of resistance and struggle and time outs with the toddler and I could feel myself getting to the point of a melt down when suddenly I felt a small strength and power beyond my own that calmed me and enabled me to take a breath. Suddenly I had the perspective I needed in that moment and I sat down and quietly said told emyri that I needed a minute to think. After a quiet second emyri and I sat down and had a good heart to heart talk in which I asked her for forgiveness for being so grumpy and she told me she was sorry for screaming and throwing a fit. I explained to her how hard it is sometimes to be a mommy. She probably didn't understand much, but there was a completely different spirit in the room. One I know she felt and one I was so thankful for.
I can recall three other times throughout the day when I felt strengthened and received help beyond my own ability to be the mom I wanted to be rather than the mom I was being. More patience while trying to calm the fussy baby, more strength and endurance for the task of cleaning, cooking, and laundry that felt so completely overwhelming moments before, more wisdom of how to handle and understand emyri's emotions and be able to see what she needed in the moment, etc.
I just wanted to share this simple little story, because it's the little tender mercies or experiences like this that let me know Heavenly Father is right there in my life, that He knows me perfectly, knows what I'm struggling with, and knows how to help.
I also share this story because I want you to know that Heavenly Father blesses us when we make the effort to bring Him into our lives and when we make the effort to come to know Him more. I also know that as we really study the scriptures, not just quickly read over the pages, but when we really study them and ponder them and pray for understanding of them that we truly can come to know our Heavenly Father and Savior in a way that makes a difference in our lives. I'm so grateful for the scriptures and the power I receive from them. It's not always an immediate blessing, it doesn't always make my day perfect, but I know it makes a difference.
